Another awakening
Another day
Another blue sky
Another chance at life

I watch as the world crumbles around me and my heart begins to sink with it. I turn on the news ... and then flip .... I see Jerry Springer .... then a music video about suicide .... I flip again to watch people disect the way a women looks 10 years older than what she is ... war on terror ... golf ... celebrities speaking ... and finally I settle on watching a big purple dinosaur singing about how we are all special in our own ways ...
I think the tv is telling me to go outside because looking out from the inside things are pretty fucked up, if kids have to look to a dinosaur for the basic values of life.

I suppose it is about time I start writing again so that some of you can keep up to date with what is going on in my life. Mind you it isn't very exciting.
Still single, still at wal-mart, still sleeping on a couch and above all of that still fighting the demons in my mind.
Seeing each day through a different colored glass. Some days it is that shade of blue, a blue that is as dark as the depths of an oceans ... then there are those days where all I can see is red. Everything is in flames and I can merely laugh at those that get in the way. The best days occur when the paint can lids are tossed to the side and everything can just flow ... splatter my eyes and I can see the rainbows

Am I important now my dear?

quotes for today

"Nothing is ever black and white to me. I live in the gray zone; the land of balance (although not always constant), the land of arguments consisting of atleast two sides, the land where a devil's advocate is welcome with open arms and more importantly, my land has very few boundaries"-ME

"everyone loved my santa letter ... see people keep telling me to grow up and get out of my dreamland ... yet for some reason the masses are attracted to it ??? ... fuck it ... im staying in my dreamworld and everyone can push their faces on the glass but not come completely in"
ME

"Eeew gross! Urgh, it makes me feel ill just looking in its general direction... It's like a thing of pure yukky. I have never seen anything so hideous... well that one time, but it had been dead for 8 weeks. and it had something growing on its head, but anyways. I mean, 3 words: Butt Ug-LyyyIt's like you were pummeled with the ugly stick which would have been a lot bigger than this and maybe had spikes on it, or probably some boric acid. It's like evoluuuution kept going but you didnt. I've seen rotting cabbage that was prettier than you. One time I stepped out in poo and I walked out on the grass and the shape it made... kinda looked like your face. I dont do guilt"--Lenore, the cute little dead girl

'Youre lookin especially pale today, also you smell like rotting fish
'I like fish''
that's bad''
but--'
'that's still bad''
fishies go pook, pook, pook..... pook?"
--Lenore, the cute little dead girl and Ragamuffin

I haven't been blogging for some time now and at one point I tried creating a different blog, but I have come to the realization that purpleinhereyes.blogspot.com is my home. Sure it wasn't my first blog, but it is my longest running and most successful ..... So I'm going to give it another shot!!!!

reportinglivefromlife.blogspot.com

I wish I had something better to report to you all ... but alas ... My depression and anxiety have hit a new level I am now on 250mg of effexor and 1mg of cloneazopam or whatever the hell its called ... Im going in for testing and shit because apparently Im really screwy now *shrugs*. Here I thought I was doing so well and then BOOM one ER trip, 3 pannick attacks in a row ... and one very drowsy girl ... *shudders* .... One day I will find some way to level out.

I apologize for my lack of posts, but my computer finally died, and now I must save to buy a new one. So much for my camera and moving out quickly ... lmao ... anyways, hopefully soon I can fill you all in on everything