I'm getting all excited about Halloween .... I love holidays ... currently I'm downloading Halloween songs like Monster Mash and Thriller .... *EEEHHHHEEE* I'm so excited
Today I'm hoping to go out and pick up some stuff to hand out tomorrow
I'm getting all excited about Halloween .... I love holidays ... currently I'm downloading Halloween songs like Monster Mash and Thriller .... *EEEHHHHEEE* I'm so excited
I'm feeling a bit better today. I woke up to a rather pleasant email from Michele about my marks .... and I recieved a 75% on my presentation, that's better then what I thought I was gonna get.
Current Events midterm: 90%
Current Events midterm: 90%
I came home to get away from humans and go figure the nurse I hate is working and won't leave me alone .... I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE !!!!
I've hit yet another low point in my life. I'm on the verge of tears and I really don't know why .... something keeps pulling me back and it's frusterating. As soon as I become happy something inside of me is triggered and I begin to feel miserable. This time I can hardly stand it ... it hurts so much.... I just want to cry ... but I can't ... especially not now ... I also want to run to somebody to help me ... run into somebody's arms ... but there is nobody for me to run to ... well there is somebody that I can run to ... but not in that way ... Nimisha listens to everything I say ... she understands me in ways that most people dont (Nimi if you are reading this I want you to know you mean a lot to me ... words can't describe)
I wonder why I keep turning to the music I do ... friends call it church music ... I call it classical .... but I dunno ... Im too tired to type ... I'll explain later
Why is it so hard to turn away family or tell them no ... even if it will help them in the end .... I don't know how much more I can stand ... it has been months now ... and I'm only human .... I can't be bashed day in and day out ... I can't stand having the little bit of privacy I have stepped on .... my low self esteem can't be constantly criticized ... yes I know I am depressed at times and pointing it out won't help anything ... having hissy fits and ruining my clothes won't accomplish anything ... nor will organizing my things help organize your life in any way ... JUST LEAVE ME ALONE
I have to do a presentation on Vietnam and I don't even know where to begin .... If only I got a place like Greece, Ireland or Egypt! I swear I would have made the best presentation known to human kind *laughs* ... I don't know anything about Vietnam, other than the war *shrugs* ... Oh well, I'll manage .. I mean it's for Michele's class, so that's all the drive I need to do well
I'm terrified to find out how I did on my midterm ... I mean ... I'm nervous ... I new the answers but couldn't write them down ... it was pissing me off
Ok so ... the last few days I've been able to express some of the thoughts that have been going through my head ... it has really helped me out ... I can't wait until next Current Events class because a few of us have thought up some things we want to talk about .... it's just a matter of who has the guts to actually speak up .... NOT ME
I talked to Michele quickly about what was bugging me (after asking about our midterm) ... I couldn't express myself though ... as soon as I walked into her office I got butterflies ... I forgot the english language ... and sat there like a dumbass nodding and giggling ....
Well, it's time for class .... and I feel like crap ... I'm still thinking about what I wrote last night ... it won't stop popping up into my head ... I wish I could go home and see my sister and spend time with her ... I love her sooo much .... she's the bestest ... grrrr at the news .... grrrr at emotions and questions without answers .... grrr at everything .... I just want to sit and talk to somebody ... somebody that will listen and understand me ...
I just finished watching the news and the three stories that kept coming up were conjoined twins, abortion and a woman that had her feeding tube removed.
Human life
i'm just thinking about how much I missed current events today ... I could have really used that discussion time ... my midn is speeding more so than usual ... Scary eh? ...
It's amazing the different personalities people have with different people or when they are in a different place. I've been noticing it more and more ... With me I've noticed the way I post on here is nothing like how I talk to my friends, well sometimes it is ... but you get what I mean ... also i've noticed at school that I am different with each of my friends, some I can be more serious with while others I just act like an idiot around. I dunno, I think it's strange
You can always tell my mood by my music. Lately I have been listening to a lot of classical music ... as well as Broadway stuff ... I've been very lovey dovey and my mind won't stop spinning ... I just wish I had people that I could talk to about everything going on up there ... it's so hard to write about ... hence why I usually just type about how crappy my day was .... or how good is is
I'm not too sure how I am feeling right now! I mean I'm feeling really upset about Michele but I knew deep down all along .... grrr at me .... I still like her and everything ... but ... I just realize that now there is no chance .... even though there wasn't before ... BLARG ... I wish I could just shut up ...
I have a lot of thoughts going through my head right now .... quite a variety of topics .... from what I am feeling right up to politics and shit that is going on ... I could type for hours on end ... but I'm tired ... and I want to cry ... I'll type later on tonight if I have a chance
So yes, I'm feeling kind of low right now. Michele mentioned her husband for the first time ... I mean sure I kind thought she had one ... but .... I always hoped ... *sigh* ... I don't want to talk about it .... I know that nothing would have happened either way ... but it's another slap of reality
I swear ... I'm still feeling the effects of the migraine I had on Friday. I'm paranoid that I'm gonna get another one
I suddenly am feeling at peace ... I've turned on that song that I've fallen in love with ... and this calmness has fallen over me .... except for the fact the nurse is in here yapping ... but I can somewhat tune that out ... I mean I've had to put up with it ever since I was about 9ish ... I wish my mom would get up so she could take me to the mall .... nevermind it doesn't open until 12 or so
Well, my day is already going down the drain!!! My aunt was pissing me off to the point I could hardly stand it, so I came into my room and sat on the computer. I was so angry that I couldn't even think of what to type, hence the plethora of quizzes ... there will probably be more by the end of the day. Then again I do have A LOT of work to do for tomorrow, aswell as running down the street to pick up some of the weekend papers ..... I think there was something else that I needed to get ... OH!!! I need to look for a new purse and pick up some batteries for my electronic organizer

You are a brown dragon! You are the most reliable
Grrrr I can't get to sleep ... *shrugs* ... atleast it's giving me some extra workout time ... in a few weeks my arms should look really good bc for some reason that's where I am focusing *confused face* ....
Yesterday was the day I never want to remember! I went to school for 9am even though my first class wasn't until 2:30pm. See, I had to finish a photography assignment for Monday and it takes just over an hour to develop, then I was going to go home because I was feeling ill (aka cramps). So we started the developing process after asking a few questions (one being the darkroom is locked, what do we do?). So we went into the developing room, turned off the lights and tried to put our film on the reels, after awhile it went BUT not after we noticed that ther was a teeny bit of light pouring in from the ceiling. So yea, we developed only to realize that, "crap we have to do it again bc our negs didn't come out". So we run around finishing up everything so we had some time to do it again, plus now we had to take out a camera. We did it again and the same damn thing happened (gggrrrr). Emily and I then ran to room V10 and rolled 5 ROLLS OF FILM, ran back to B17 and got Theresa so we could shoot 5 rolls an develope them (this would be our last chance, so we thought why not shoot a shitload of film, we even skipped a class). So we developed them ... they aren't perfect but they'll do. So yea, bc we were in the room with fumes and all that fun stuff ... poorly ventelated and for an entire day .... I got a migrane ... one of the worst I've ever had and I'm currently trying to make sure it doesn't come backs cause I can feel the after effects.
Wow I posted a lot today ... tells you how much my midn is working
Wow I posted a lot today ... tells you how much my midn is working
I say I like the simple things in life .... but I got to thinking at one time they were probably complicated thoughts or ... I don't know the word ... things that had to develope and evolve
Musical instruments amaze me ... something man made can convey human emotions better than even spoken word can ... at times
I wish somebody was home or online so I could discuss this show with them. The dresses and sets are absolutely amazing and the music .... oh the music is wonderous
I just watched an episode of Touched By An Angel and it made me think. People are portrayed as enjoying the simple things in life before they die. They take time to enjoy every little thing around them and in some cases it seems asthough they are seeing these things for the first time, despite the fact they are always around. Then I thought about people I have known that passed on or were extremely ill and realized that they too had this happen to them. They began to notice the world around them and that there are simple pleasures and beauties everywhere. Even during the toughest times there are things there that if you stopped long enough could bring a smile to your face.
After two days of mass confusion and an internet overload, I have managed to attatch a guest book and a hit counter! I thought this would add to the look of my blog and also allow feedback through a guestbook style chat area. *shrugs* I might try a few other things, but for now I think it looks pretty cool
One day Mullet Mandy woke up and decided that she wanted to go shopping for a present. See it was her friend Buck Tooth Betty’s birthday and she wanted to buy her the best present EVER! Mandy realized she only had two days to find this present and quickly set out. She borrowed her mom’s red pickup truck and headed over to the Hicktown mall. When Mandy arrived she couldn’t help but go into her favourite place, Mullet Mania Hair Salon. She was only planning on getting some “Grease” for her hair, until she looked up and saw the most amazing thing. Right there in big black letters it said “ Kentucky waterfall cut ONLY $20 today!”. Mullet Mandy almost passed out but quickly scrambled to find the money in her pocket, she soon found herself in a big chair with a big lobster bib around her neck. Behind her, Willy the hairdresser carefully sculpted the mass of hair on her head.Soon it was all over and Willy revealed Mandy’s brand spankin new haircut. It was absolutely AMAZING, thought Mandy. She soon left the salon in search of Buck Tooth Betty’s present. She headed over to Oil Rigger’s Clothing, but didn’t find anything she liked and kept looking. Soon Mandy found herself rummaging through a box of old rags, the sweet perfume of oil and sweat filled the air, Mandy remembered that Betty already had a bunch of rags though. Just then Mandy turned around to go to another store but up on the wall she saw the most beautiful thing, next to her hair. Mounted on a plaque was a beautiful cod fish and it was marked at $15. Mandy ran to grab the fish and dashed to the cashier, tripping over some car parts that were in the middle of an isle. The cashier rang the fish through, after commenting on Mandy’s hair. “$17 please” said the cashier. Mandy reached into her pocket and realized she spent all the money on her hair, she quickly said she forgot her money and ran to her truck. As Mandy went to her truck her eyes and nose began to run. She wiped her face with her sleeve and sat down to plan how she was gonna get Betty a gift. Mandy headed home in hopes her mom would lend her the money. On the way she passed a truck loaded with fresh road kill and noticed that the driver wasn’t moving. She pulled over to find the driver had died and so she dumped the body into the ditch. When she got back she hitched up the truck to hers and towed it home. “Perfect” Mandy thought as she rushed home to prepare Betty’s present. See, inside of the truck was a rifle and TONS of road kill, a Hicktowner’s favorite food. The next day Mullet Mandy went to Betty’s party and gave her the gift she prepared. Betty was so excited when she opened her gift and told Mandy, “It’s the best present I ever got.” After dessert, raccoon cake, they all ran to play shoot the ducks.
ANother strange thing is this dream that I had the other day ... since it is from two days ago I can't really remember it.
So yea, I was going to post on here about my sunday but I never did. Well Sunday mornign was really hectic and my family was driving me nuts, it got to the point that I went and sat on the balcony reading one of my books (I love reading outside but it was cold). While outside I realized there was this rather large beetleish looking bug, after awhile it didn't move and I was wondering if it was dead. So I decided to move it with a leaf, only because I didn't want to squash it or anything. So when I went to move it I realized that the bug was alive, but dying. One of its legs were miss and the another was all bent back. I sat there trying to read, but my eyes would always come back to this bug. It couldn't move itself, it was just dying, slowly and probably painfully. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to end its misery and kill it, but I knew I couldn't bc I have trouble killing things, even bugs. I just move them to another area and let nature take its course .... so in the end I ended up leaving it there ... and I kinda feel bad
I don't really know how I am feeling right now. Yesterday I was really depressed and by the end of the day I had to have one of my pills to calm me down (aka I felt a pannic attack coming on). Today I'm feeling better, but some dumbass went and got me all upset, a girl almost told him off because it was totally uncalled for. *shrugs* Atleast I have somebody on my side. I have to see him in my last period :(
I'm so confused right now ... I mean there are a bazillion things running through my head ... and the main thing being ... WHO AM I
I can hardly hide the pain within myself ... I feel so unappreciated. How could they do that? The only Thanksgiving dinner that I had been part of was had without me ..... I was given a plate of cold food and sat a a partially cleared table with a fly buzzing around my head. But wait .... is my aunt rlly going to sit with me? Sure looks like it .... we don't get along very well but Thanksgiving is a time to put differences behind and get along .... Suddenly the tv is not only turned on ... but placed facing us. My family has been slowly splitting for years now and I've always been the one trying to bring everyone together ... only to get left behind .... I didn't even decorate this year ... I'm the holiday queen .... I always decorate ... How could I not??? .... I practically skipped a holiday that meant a lot to me deep down ... you know all those ideals ... This holiday is from the heart .... it's a peaceful time with sweet scents, cool air and warm fuzzy feelings .... Not this year though .... Instead I am reminded of the rapid decay my family is going through .... it hurts .... It hurts sooo much .... Everything is torn .... and all I want to do is to fix things .... but whenever I try ... all I end up doing is putting a temporary bandage over the problem .... I try to be happy ... only to trip and fall back into sadness .... Even now the positive side is shining through saying ... it could be worse ... things will change .... keep your chin up .... I listen to that positive side ... but it's hard
I'm feeling really depressed and I can't quite put my finger on why. I'm kinda tired now, so maybe some sleep will do me good .... but for now I feel like crying .... but I can't
So yes ... i can't stop singing broadway songs at the moment ... it's rather entertaining
Ok ... I am totally way too obsessed about Michele ... and the thing is I know I have no chance ... it kinda hurts when I think about it ....
I am so bored ... I am so bored
So yes once again I am sitting in the open access lab ... bored out of my mind .... my aunt spilt water in the car and forgot to tell me before I sat down ... so my ass is wet and I'm terrified to walk down the freaking hallway ... blah ... I can tell it is going to be one of those days ... where I wish I hadn't woken up
So the next thing on my list of things to complain about is ... *drum roll* ... THE BUS SYSTEM .... I still have another hour until the damn bus comes ... and I am bored out of my mind .... despite the fun I am having by typing to ppl i don't really know on my friends computer ... MUAHA HA HA HA ...
Tomorrow is Current Events ... I'm soooo excited. I have to finish up my letter to the editor ... I swear I work too hard on impressing the teacher in that class .... she probably has no clue who I am .... well ... I dont think she cares .... *sigh* ... Why do I like people that I know will never like me .... it's as if I am asking to get hurt ... .
Wow a woman that looks like this lady I had a crush on just walked in ... thats kinda creepy ... I am now in the Mac Lab ... waiting for class to start ... Im thinking I'll be here for a loooong time ... lmao ... im such a loser ... i always seem to be the first one ready for class ... sigh ... oh well ... just goes to show how much I like class ... which is a rlly scary thought ... just wait though bc in a few weeks i'll be bitching about the workload
SO yes ... Erin has signed on so that is giving me something else to do ... but she has to study and will probably ditch me in a minute ... Oh well ... I guess that just means that I can type more on here .... just what everyone wants .... *sinsg* I'm so tired and so bored ... nevermind I lied ... BEcka is on now ... so I guess my typing rampage is over ... FOR NOW ... muaha hahahahahha
Don't you hate it when your mind is going so fast that you have a hard time keeping up with it. Seriously, my mind always seems to be spinning ... I can never just have one thing on my mind ... instead I have to be thinking about a bazillion different things ...
Yet another day of nothingness! I woke up this morning and started puttering around because I had no clue what to do ... I mean of course I could have worked on my homework but what fun is that? I had a shower then sat around ... time seemed to move so quickly bc suddenly it was time to get dressed and go to the chiropractor, then school (where I currently am). I dunno, for the past couple days I've been feeling kinda down. Yesterday I had to leave my english grammar class bc I could feel a pannic attack approaching ... I waited until break to leave but I think my teacher thought I was lying when I said I was sick. grrrrr that kinda angers me ...