I can hardly hide the pain within myself ... I feel so unappreciated. How could they do that? The only Thanksgiving dinner that I had been part of was had without me ..... I was given a plate of cold food and sat a a partially cleared table with a fly buzzing around my head. But wait .... is my aunt rlly going to sit with me? Sure looks like it .... we don't get along very well but Thanksgiving is a time to put differences behind and get along .... Suddenly the tv is not only turned on ... but placed facing us. My family has been slowly splitting for years now and I've always been the one trying to bring everyone together ... only to get left behind .... I didn't even decorate this year ... I'm the holiday queen .... I always decorate ... How could I not??? .... I practically skipped a holiday that meant a lot to me deep down ... you know all those ideals ... This holiday is from the heart .... it's a peaceful time with sweet scents, cool air and warm fuzzy feelings .... Not this year though .... Instead I am reminded of the rapid decay my family is going through .... it hurts .... It hurts sooo much .... Everything is torn .... and all I want to do is to fix things .... but whenever I try ... all I end up doing is putting a temporary bandage over the problem .... I try to be happy ... only to trip and fall back into sadness .... Even now the positive side is shining through saying ... it could be worse ... things will change .... keep your chin up .... I listen to that positive side ... but it's hard