serious post ...

I've hit yet another low point in my life. I'm on the verge of tears and I really don't know why .... something keeps pulling me back and it's frusterating. As soon as I become happy something inside of me is triggered and I begin to feel miserable. This time I can hardly stand it ... it hurts so much.... I just want to cry ... but I can't ... especially not now ... I also want to run to somebody to help me ... run into somebody's arms ... but there is nobody for me to run to ... well there is somebody that I can run to ... but not in that way ... Nimisha listens to everything I say ... she understands me in ways that most people dont (Nimi if you are reading this I want you to know you mean a lot to me ... words can't describe)
I want to bawl ... bah ... breakdown ... I actually want to break down .... omg ... OK I'll talk about something else .. I dont want to depress anyone

So yesterday I had an amazing day because I scored 100%on an essay, my letter to the editor was published (bonus marks) and I recieved a 90% on my midterm .... today I had a presentation and things collapsed ... my nerves had me stumbling over every word and I think I said "um" like 90 bazillion times ... people in the class said it was pretty good and that I shouldn't worry so much ... but I do ... my hands and leg were shaking when I sat down ... and my teeth began chattering ....