Well .. I'm at school bored out of my mind. I finally finished the assignment for Current Events and I am totally stressing about it. I'm nervous that I haven't done it right or something .... grrrr ... Why must I worry so much? ... Other people have just been handing them in without even taking a second glance ...

I once again am in a grrrrreat mood! Christmas is coming, I'm talking to my ex, things are getting a bit better at home .... and I currently have a 99% in Current Events *sigh* ... that makes me so happy ... I really worked hard for that grade .... now if I can just keep it up *crosses fingers* ....
Yea I was thinking today about how last Friday I went to the pet store and ..... well I'll just tell you my story so you understand ....
I was looking at these 3 baby cockatiels in a tank ... and turned to the guy to ask how old they were ... he replied 10-11 weeks ... just babies ... and then he proceeded to tell me that they were on sale ... and it hit me ... these lil creatures had a price on their heads ... and not only that ... but they were marked down .... the way we value life is so strange ... but I guess I'm just a hypocrit ... cause I'm the one that bought 2 birds ... and one was cheaper than the other ... I'm tired

I have been in the greatest mood ever! I think it has to do with Christmas coming up ... I tend to become really happy and hyper when it approaches. I am seriously a Christmas freak, but I can't help it ... I love the feeling ...
I'm also happy because I've been talking to my ex and we've been getting along pretty good. Atleast in my eyes ... he he he ... if you are reading this hun I just want to say I'm glad we are talking again ...
Ummm ... tomorrow a bunch of friends are coming over to help make Christmas decorations for my moms hospital party ... she's incharge this year and I am chief elf *bows*

Well ... I can't wait to get home tonight ... for the past two days I've been really upset and I'm not sure why ...
Currently I'm at a pretty ok level ... I'm not ecstatic ... but I'm not moping around ....
I really dont understand my own emotions ... grrrr ....
Now I feel bad for ignoring my friends ... why am I the one feeling bad .... I didn't do anything .... they were making fun of me ... they are the ones that hurt my feelings .... maybe I'm too sensitive ... but they know how I am .... and they should be careful ...

I'm not sure how I am feeling rigth now ... I think i'm confused bc I have butterflies in my stomach about this girl .... I'm really worried that she thinks we are making fun of her ... great now everyone has made it clear that they are talking about her ... just she doesnt know that I like her ... I'm so mad ... this is twice that they have had fun making fun of something I am sensitive about ... grrrrr ... oh well ... what can you do?

I've found another person that I like. She is absolutely gorgeous and seems like a nice person. I've also noticed that she has Current Events lecture with me ... so that is kinda cool. Now the bad part about all of this is she is sitting across from me in the lab and I keep looking at her and she keeps catching me. Also, Theresa keeps laughing and shit so I think she thinks we are making fun of her or something ... when really it's the opposite of that. Why must I be such a loser .... and why do I fall for the wrong people.

The constant battle within,
is one I cannot stand,
the questions without answers,
all swirling in my head,
as i sit here every day,
I'm thankful I'm alive,
but sometimes I can't help but wonder,
why I have not died,
who controls who stays or goes,
and watches over us,
why do we all live to love,
when loving just aint enough,
the times are changing greatly now,
not for the best or worse,
and it seems like I am trapped here,
and cannot escape this curse,
not everything on earth is bad,
there is a lot of good,
love is something that we all share,
even though some say that’s not true,
there are all these contradicting things,
that I cant comprehend,
yet at the same time I find myself,
not minding what’ll happen in the end

ok ... i'm kinda going back down again ... crap Im crazy

After my little spaz fest I am feeling a lot better ... ah ... the joys of depression and such

Anyways ... I've realized that lately I have been craving a relationship more than anything. Something that I can pour all of my energies into .... so I don't have time to sit and sulk .... so I can be happy .... I am happy .... but I mean it would make me unbelievably happy ...
My friend told me that I use a lot of dots when I write ... I must apologize for this ... I write how I'm thinking or how some people would talk .... yea ... point proven
I hope that the people reading this don't think I am constantly depressed bc I am not ... I'm usually a very happy person .... just the past few months haven't been the greatest .... I'm going through my "quarter life crisis"

Ok ... I must apologize for not writing here as much as I used to .... I've just been busy with things ... and by the time I have a chance to sit down I'm too tired to do anything .... blah ... and now that I have a moment I have to go bc I have class ... grrr ... stupid boring computer lecture that tells me nothing ..... I think I should just take a tour of the Mackenzie printing press .... BLARG!!!!!!!! .... I'm so stressed out at the moment and I want to bitch but nobody will listen to me .... I feel like a fraud .... I put on this fucking happy goofy ass appearance when deep down inside I'm not totally like that ..... grrrrr .... Well I am like that .... but not all the time .... I wanna be serious .... read newspapers and drink my stupid tazo chai tea lattes ...... I want to go to museums and art galleries .... music concerts and ..... I just want to learn .... I want to be an intellect .... I feel like such a dumbass some days and that bugs me ..... blah ... these incomplete thoughts just keep pouring out of my head into my fingers .... I keep pounding the keys harder and harder ... as more and more thoughts keep coming .... and I run out of time ... I wanna sit .... i dont wanna go to class ... Im in a crappy mood

I'm sooo pissed off right now .... and I'm confused about why .... grrrr
I just wish things could be a little easier

Simple = complex

Perception .... such a strange thing

All I can say is I'm starting to get into Christmas mode ... the music is playing ... the lights are up in my room and turned on .... tomorrow I have to pick up the hot chocolate and gingerbread men .... I believe in a week or two from today I will begin decorating .... which takes a long time .... *jumps around* .... OMG I JUST FOUND THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL SONG CALLED MARLEY AND MARLEY!!!!!!!!!

I'm in such a great mood right now ... but at the same time there is an underlying current of sadness and a feeling of not being understood by my family. I was yelled at all day today about various things ... none that I believe were worth all the yelling
Im tired again and can't type ... I will tomorrow for sure though

I feel so sick right now ... I'm tired, grumpy, my nose keeps running and all that other crap that comes along with being sick *pouts*

All I can say is that I am so bored right now!!! I came early to do a scavenger hunt but it turns out that we really can't do anything until tomorrow ... mostly because we don't have a car to do everything during school today. Hopefully tomorrow, for the second and third part, Joey can drive us around ... if he says no then I guess we are screwed *sigh* ... I really want to win .... or atleast finish in a good spot.
I can be so competative at times ... but now bc it is a group thing ... and I feel sick ... I'm not really into it

I am rather tired at the moment and I'm not really sure what to write about. I have a bazillion things going through my head like always.
Today in current events we were talking about dogs that attack people and this girl said what I was thinking. Humans are animals and have some of the same tendancies as dogs... so why aren't we punished or our specie crushed? Humans can snap at the drop of a pin and do horrible things and all they get is a slap on the wrist ... also we arent the only creature on the planet, yet we seem to think we can decide the outcome of everything ... we give ourself all of these powers ... I just lost my train of thought ... I wanna go to bed

What have I done??? Sharing your feelings isn't always a good idea ... nobody gets this ... but yea .... BLAH

I'm feeling rather lonely today and I have to say, I really hate the way it feels. *sigh* I had a good time last night with my friends though. We went mini putting, out to eat and to see Radio, it was a great movie but as a warning to anyone planning on seeing it .... take kleenex!!! I used Nimisha as my comfort person (lol) like usual.
I don't really feel like writing today ... I want to snuggle with somebody

Sorry I haven't posted for so long. I was busy with Halloween, going out with friends and sleeping ... Halloween was great!!! Ther Cher concert was the best concert I've been to, I had soooo much fun.
Im tired I'll type more later