Well I'm feeling better now than I was this morning.
In a couple hours I get to call Rachel and talk to her for awhile, I'm so excited. I think the only thing I'm worried about is explaining the phone bill to my mother, but no worries, I'll pay for it somehow .... I also must admit that I am nervous, I don't know what she's going to say, if she even likes me .... I guess I'll just act calm .... lol ... there is nothing to get myself all frazzled about.
I think I might do a bit of cleaning tonight, I might even get out my paints and do that for a bit ..... there is a spot in my room where I want to put 2 small paintings that I have done .... the only problem is I don't keep my artwork .... much like I dont keep my writings .... I guess it is that fear of people finding it and looking at it ... questioning why I do what I do .... say what I say .... it's strange though ... bc deep down inside I must want somebody to look at what I create .... otherwise why would I create it .... sure it helps to just release things .... but why in suchg a manner ... I could just whisper them ... and sure there is that fear that somebody could hear ... just like there is that fear that somebody could view .... I'm guessing I've lost everyones interest ... but that's ok .... I like writing this .... hoping somebody might actually care .... somebody might not mind my rambling .... the strange way I drift from topic to topic ... never really finishing my thoughts .... the way I use dots .... lol ... I hate when people laugh at the posts I find serious .... when they laugh at me ...don't they see that sometimes I pour my heart out here .... that them being able to read this means something .... sure it is a public blog ... but I could just aswell keep it to myself ... lock all of this up in a neatly bound book ....