Yesterday I wrote this really long post that I see hasn't actually been posted, oh well, it is probably better. It was me ranting as usual about how crappy I felt and a bunch of other things ... soon after (5mins after) I had an anxiety attack. I went and called mom who said just to ask somebody to take me to the health centre. So I did what she said, the walk to the center felt so long ... my breathing was eratic and everyone was starring at me ... right when I got in and asked for a room I blew up. A really nice woman that worked there came in and had to do breathing exercises with me ... it was shorter than usual ... but still just as scary .... especially being at school.
I'm depressed today ... my brain isn't functioning right ... it's asthough there are signals getting interrupted. I'll put the milk in the cupboard, forget what I'm doing or even have a dizy spell .... I hate it I really do .... and the depression
Yesterday I felt like I was lying to myself ... that over the past few months I haven't been myself ... I haven't done the things I like bc I'm afraid .... I constantly want to appeal to EVERYONE and help them aswell .... but nomatter what I do ... it feels like nothing works ... so I'm guessing all I can do is go back to being myself
I like classical music and jazz ... I love walking through NOTL and other historical places ... Gardening and writing intrigue me .... being quiet is how I am sometimes ... I'm not a party person and I don't drink .... I can't fix everyones problems ... and not everyone will like me .... sure I can help people ... but some people dont want my help .... I like sitting out on my balcony staring at the city .... I see something in everything .... I cry easily ... I get depressed ... I have problems ... that I can't always handle .... just bc I smile I'm not happy .... illusions are all around .... I am a hypocrit (we all are) .... I love my sister .... I love the cold .... the dark scares me ... and so does loneliness .... I like simple things that people think are dorky .... I hold back a lot of things despite what ppl think ... I do get mad and frusterated ... I am human

I don't understand humans .... why do people ask you what is wrong then yell at you for telling them? Why don't people understand that we are all equal? Why don't the morals we learn in kindergarten seem to apply now? Why can't everyone get along? Why do people think their problems are worse?... I mean it depends on who you are and how you handle things