Confusion .... So much is running through me right now and .... it's hard ....
I hope you all don't see me as a weakling .... as somebody that can't handle things ... because that isn't true .... I think I do a pretty good job .... I mean ... infront of them this doesn't come out .... Instead I am the one that tries to keep everyone sane .... I try to make it easier for them to live in the house .... I try to make everyone laugh .... fill in those moments of silence where you can feel the underlying tension .... I try .... I keep my mask on for them .... sure if you know me well .... like if you know the Gillian that is deep within me .... you could tell how much I am hurting .... you could see how the cloth that I have woven is slowly coming undone .... I have no privacy either ... it's easy to say that ... but you could only understand if you lived here ...