My head seems to be a bit clearer today ... but I still have millions of thoughts running through it.

Erin, I miss you so much! It's hard not having you here sometimes. I miss our weekends together, when we used to do odd things like ... wander around Zellers, have movie nights, play pool, make cookies or shake and bake, play Monopoly, buy stupid objects and make up games and when we would always end it with sitting on the "truth bars" ... You've been there for me through thick and thin, you know me so well and you are truly a great friend.

Caitlin, despite that I am just getting to know you, your friendship means a lot to me. You seem to get me on another level ... I joke about it creeping me out ... but it really doesn't ... It intrigues me... You have a good head on your shoulders and a great heart in your chest, to match... I'm looking forward to more of our late night talks ... the ones that go till late at night when I hit the point where I stop making sense ... I'll make sure I work on my vocab and read a bit more to keep up with you though (lol)... and... What you said in your last entry is true, I have to stop blaming myself ....

I saw Passion of The Christ yesterday and I will admit that it was a good movie. The array of feelings I had during it were strange though ... It was hard watching a man in so much pain, I know it was acting, but it happened .... The odd part was ... how near the end, I felt a sort of peace .... I sat there and could breathe easy and wasn't as nervous as usual ... I just sat there calmly ... even when the movie was done, I watched most of the credits and didn't move
After the movie I went home and couldn't help but sit on my balcony for a bit. The night was so clear and I felt ... well ... I was just very quiet and calm last night. I went online for a bit and then to bed (sorry to anyone I was talking to ... I was half asleep near the end) .... I had a great sleep ... I woke up ... got dressed ... and still felt the same as last night.
When I got to the school though, things began to change. I felt myself going back to being nervous ... back to all those things that bring me down ... I need to fight them ... now that I know that I don't have to feel like that ... since I've tasted a longer period of time where the weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
I'm sitting in the lab right now ... and there aren't that many people around ... I feel a lil nervous ... but I also have this feeling ... a feeling I remember from when I was little ... it happened many times ... it was like I was totally calm ... I was having fun .... I was innocent ...>> no harm can be done to me while I sit here ... but if somebody comes and sits beside me ... I will be quickly snapped out of this ... I dread that