So I talked to mom a bit last night ... I told her about how I miss my dad ... and how I'm getting upset with the people in my family ... I also said that the way grandma and her constantly talk about health and stuff is getting on my nerves ... which also goes a long with the topic of her trying to ween herself off her nerve medication ... which she had come to realize she CANNOT handle.
I don't know .... fisrtly with my dad, she said that she could understand my missing him ... and the confusion that I am going through because of it ... she said that it isn't my fault and that he should be doing more to stay in touch ... I agree but it isn't totally his fault ...
Secondly ... my family is insane ... literally... Dar has decided to come back from Newfoundland ... but by the sounds of it she isn't going to bring Jackie back with her ...
Now goodness knows that Dar cannot afford to do that ... so she will be counting on mom ... and mom can't do it again ... Dar was paying us $500 a month to pay back what she borrowed ... and yet she is going to do it again? ... plus my cousin isn't stable ... she's stuck in a f'n time warp ... she thinks Paris Hilton is cool ... that alone should say something ... Jackie used to be a role model ... and now ... now she scares me ... her health is also going down the drain .... oh yea ... my other cousin Sherry, with the 5 year old ... well mr. druggie boyfriend put her face through some glass ... if she doesnt get out of there .. I will go down to TO beat that guy up .. and take her and her kid by the arm back with me ... then I will stop by Roberts place and blaze at him about where he is letting his life go ...
Next ... Grams and mum keep talking about Dr Phil's book and how he's so great blah blah blah ... losing weight is fun ... blah blah blah ... Gillian why don't you try ... blah blah blah ... Gillian you should lose some weight b4 you go out to get a job ... blah blah blah ... YOU KNOW WHAT ... IVE HEARD IT ALL MY LIFE ... I'VE TRIED TO MAKE CHANGES AND IT ALL RESULTS IN ME STAYING THE SAME DAMN WEIGHT OR WHATEVER .... BUT I ATLEAST FEEL BETTER ON THE INSIDE .... JUST BC I DONT LOSE WEIGHT DOESNT MEAN I AM NOT BECOMING HEALTHIER .... I do my own work out every night ... I dont do it infront of ppl bc ... well ... I hate humans and the way I constantly get criticized ... I like doing it on my own, at my own pace ... working on areas that I think need work ... I do it at night ... and early in the morning .... when ppl aren't around to bug me .... oh yea ... as for eating ... despite what ppl may think my eating habits have gotten better ....
Next ... mom decided this past week to stop taking her nerve medication ... and has since turned into mega bitch ... I caznt stand it ... and she said last night she'd go back on them ... she just gets upset that she has to take drugs to stabalize her ... and I said ... well so do I .... we have a disease ... and yes we could work on helping ourselves out with other treatments .... Caitlin mentioned something to me ... but for now ... this will have to do .... plus mom has some really far out there things with her nerves ... so yea ...
I would like to apologize for this long rantish post ... but this isn't even half of what is going on inside of my head ... believe it or not ... I dont like to tell all of my problems .... but there are somethings that I do just want to get off my chest <<<< LMAO PECS ..... *sigh* ... ok I feel better now ... and people ... dont forget to post in my guestbook area