He came ... we talked ... I showed him the paper ... there was silence ... we talked a bit more ... he hugged me ... and thn left ... the process took only 10 minutes ... but it felt like forever ... I don't know how I feel ... I wanted to start talking to him again ... but after today I am afraid ... he's changed ... he's not what he was 4 years ago ... obviously ... but ....... he's just not right ... everything that has happened has hurt him ... he said he has anxiety problems ... I told him I did too ... he didn't know I did ... I've been this way for almost a year ... I've been rushed to the hospital ... and he didn't know ... he blames a lot of this on mom and dar ... saying that he doesn't understand how mom could split up a family ... and how he hates the way that mom and dar gang up on him ... he said he's not going to try to come back ... and that if mom calls her lawyer to find out where he works ... he'll just quit again ... he wants to give me $200 every other week ... I want to believe him ... but ... I'm at the point where I don't ... I hate feeling this guilt ... I wish him and I could just talk ... but he's not the same ... he's lost ...

Despite saying all of that ... I am in a good mood ... went to the falls and NOTL ... so I was happy to get out of the house .... I was also happy that I started to finish that painting ... I haven't worked on it forever .... Anyways ... gtg