I have the base pounding ... and it won't drain the thoughts out of my head ... I'm so confused ... I just want my brain to shut down ... I want my thoughts to be drowned in the music ... I was having such a good day and now this ... I'm crying and I just yelled at my mother ... why ... why does the dream world have to crumble and reveal the flesh of everything .... WHY .... WHY ....
My father came again ... he had money for me, movie for Jen, flowers and beer for mom .... I talked to him quickly ... and he asked how the family was ... including my cousins in TO ... and that ... that .... it hurt me so much .... Mom never told him about Robert .... Oh fuck I can't stop crying .... he didn't know that Robert tried to kill himself and lost his legs instead of his life ... My father already looks so distant ... but for that moment ... I thought he was going to cry .... he looked so depressed ... I cant get the image out of my head .... I remember that day they called ... I thought Robert was going to die .... but Im glad I was there to hear about his progress .... Dad just heard that's what happened and now things are ok .... he doesn't even know what else has happened since then .... WHY WONT THIS MUSIC GO ANY LOUDER?!?!?! .... I WANT TO SLEEP ... I DONT WANT TO WRITE AN ESSAY ... I WANT TO CURL UP INTO A BALL AND DISAPPEAR