The weather is finally nice again and I am back to my old self. Every night I've been going outside and sitting on my balcony for hours on end ... some people may find it boring ... bc I just sit there and stare at the city down below me ... but it's relaxing.
I've moved this big, wooden chest into a corner where I can sit on it with my legs stretched out, either that or I can curl up and lay down on it. Last year there was a huge palm there, so I never realized the angle from that spot made the view even better.
This weekend I'm going to start deciding on what plants I would like to buy and what else I would like to add out there. The balcony is MY area ... it is MY perch ... MY project ...
Last year everyone that came over to see it said it was really nice ... so this year it is going to be spectacular ... I'd really like an arbour to divide the balcony ... and then a lot of leafy/green plants ... basically so the people in the apartment across don't constantly stare at me. Also I want to find out about how Gerberas grow ... because those are my favorite flowers ... and if I had them on my balcony ... I'd be soooooo happy .... I also have to check in with my cactus plant ... I'm still really upset about that .... I have to check my plants in a minute anyway ....
So basically ... I'm a lot happier right now ... I have my perch back, the weather is beautiful .... and my creative spark is back ... I mean ... when I sit out there ... all of these ideas come to me .... and I just constantly write

OH WAIT

I forgot to share his one story ... it was just about yesterday ... it's actually really sad ... and I haven't been able to get the mental picture out of my head ...
Yesterday mom decided to take me to NOTL to walk around ... well ... she just wanted to go to a store ... but I wanted to walk (lately I've been exercising) ... ANYWAYS .... we took the longer way to NOTL ... and were passing by water, fields, forests .... just all of those natural beauties ... and then we came upon the houses ... most of them are old ... amazing really .... I found the house that I want to live in .... and one day ... I will .... BUT ANYWAYS ... as we were driving I noticed something ahead of us moving at the side of the street ...
It was a squirrel that had been hit by a car .... it was rolling around on its back .... basically struggling with pain .... it was going to die .... there was no doubt about that ... but it looked so helpless ... we drove passed it ... and 2 mins later mom said ... I didn't know if I should go back and run it over .... and I was just quiet ... I wanted her to go back and end its pain ... but at the same time ... I dont think I would have been able to stay in the car .... to feel the car shake as it took the life of a living creature .... despite that in a way we were helping it ... I don't think I could have even taken the anticipation of the car approaching the poor animal ... what would have happened ... would there just be a bump ... would I hear something ... would anything splatter ... I think it would have been too much for me ... but now I sit here ... and as I type this ... I realize that just seeing that poor animal was a lot .... but it was a balance of negative a lot ... and positive a lot ... in American Beauty there is a line ... where Rick says something like ... I watched it die, but it was beautiful .... it's like for a moment you are seeing God ... and right then ... He can look at you ... and you can look at Him ... I wish I could remember the exact line ... but that's the basis of it ....
So yea .. this post is long ... and I actually feel like typing more ... but my head is hurting ... often a sign of extreme stimulation ... I like having a label for this type of pain ... and despite it is pain ... it isn't a negative pain ...