I can't stand to see him ... but I can't stand not to ....
Dad came by again with $150 for me ... he almost left without giving it to me ... and well ... that was the strangest moment ... *******breaks down crying******* I don't know what to do ... he's my dad ... but a stranger ... he's ill ... I hate seeing somebody like that and know that I contributed to it ... I freakin drove my dad wacko ... WHY ... why do I do this ... everytime he comes over ... I get upset .. and not just at myself ... but at different people in my family .... and anger ... its something that shouldnt keep occuring bc it is dangerous .... anyways ... now that Im all thinking and upset ... I shall go ... that and I guess I said things I wasnt supposed to .. so I have to think how I will explain to mom