I dont want to be here anymore ... I want to move away to some place that nobody knows me ... I can't stand everything ... I have lost control ... I just feel so alone at some times ... I was just talking to my friend and she was saying about me using my anxiety disorder as a crutch ... I know I do ... I use it for every problem ... Im afraid ... I want to just cry right now ... I have pushed my friends to the point that they wrote me a letter talking about how worried they were about me ... about how I seem to have given up ... and you know what ... in some strange way I have ... I feel like I am finally being consumed by something .... I sit in class and my skin begins to burn because there are so many people around .... LOOK .... IM DOING IT AGAIN .... MY friends say that it's because I spend so much time with Chantal ... but I know that's not true because my problems started before that ... just read my blog ... I hate that people blame her ... if anything she is keeping me sane ... those days when I go home terrified ... I end up talking to her for hours ... she can be dopey with me ... but we have serious discussions and it all helps me vent in a way .... if I didnt .... I dont know what would happen ... hence why I leave school ... I would rather leave then blow up at school ... and I'd rather have somebody there to pull me from the edge of the cliff .... I love Chantal .... I love my friends ... and I love my family .... I want to thank everyone ... for everything they have done ...