After a few amazing days of discovery... I have hit a bump again ... which is of course my fault because of a miscalculation in medication and timing *shakes fist* damn Dar or Mom for losing my prescription right when I ran out of the starter kit ... also I had a fucking horrible day at work ... I actually had tears swelling in my eyes as I tried to speak with two department managers ... and the stupid little twirp darren continued to make my night a living hell ... I swear I was ready to boot his ass to china ... *giggles* ... Im sure I'd have made many other people happy ...
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Lately I have been speaking of people ... so as not to confuse people ... I like 3 or four different people ... two at work and one from the past ... *dreamy sigh* ... I've really missed these feelings *giggles* ... oh ... and I cannot wait to get that medication back inside of me ... YEA YEA YEA ... Gillian you don't need pills to make you happy ... bla bla bla ... FOLKS ... unfortunately I used to live in a dreamland where that was true ... but I have woken up to realize that I have an imbalance that needs to be kept under control ... the only thing is ... is that there are some parts of this disorder that I can keep under control ... so I am learning to do that
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I watched the little princess a minute ago and BAWLED ... "didn't your dad ever call you a little princess?" ... Every girl nomatter her age, what she looks like, how much money she has ... is a princess ... Oh I friggin cried a river... lmao ... I love moments like that ... where things seem so clear and simple ... but then ... then my stupid brain kicks in ... and KABOOM ...
Why is my brain so stimulated? ... apparently I am an intellect ... I just need to figure out how to harnass my thoughts ... anxiety disorders are good if you can control them and make them work for you ... *giggles* ... my paintings should be a proof of that ... I should sell them ... and turn myself into a multi million dollar artiste!!! ... mua ha ha ha ... wouldn't my family get a kick out of that ...