A letter ...



Basically I am too upset to actually say this outloud, I came in today to speak to you, but I can't even get up and walk to the door. I'm embrassed and ashamed. In some ways I wish I would have taken control earlier and handled things in a different matter. I know that I won't be coming back next semester becuse of my marks, but I also know that I really do love journalism. I know it doesn't seem like I do. Appearances can be decieving. I'm glad that I was accepted into this program, I only hope that I am able to come back and finish what I have started. So this is where I ask you the question that has been on my mind the past two weeks. The question that I have nearly asked you a million times, but have chickened out only to to cause myself to become even more upset. Is it possible to come back and redo my thrid semester and finish my second year starting next september? If so, do you know who I would contact to figure out how to arrange it?
The reason why I didn't put up a fight this week to stay in this course is because I want to have a semester off and unfortunately I knew in my mind that I could solidify that by failing. That nobody could talk me into going if I failed.
I want to be able to come in with a clear mind, not constantly being off because I am trying to figure out the correct dosage of what medication I should be taking. I could also use the extra bit of money I will be making from putting in for more hours at work and trying to get involved with other things, things that I don't have to make a strong commitment to because I am not ready yet. I don't want to board the bus every day fearing A) the people on the bus with me and B) fearing the amount of people I am going to come in contact with when I actually reach the school. I do not blame all of this on my disorder, medication or any certain events. I blame it on myself and just need some time to get a hang on myself. Despite I know that I can't fix everything that is bugging me.