Once again my mind is going crazy ... so many thoughts ... none of which are making any sense ... the one thing right now that is bugging me is not unfamiliar ... I don't understand why we are able to talk about things ... but not tell ourselves ... How some days I can be so positive ... help my friends with their depression ... and yet in two minutes I will be the one depressed ... for the same reasons ... I can list what is wrong ... I can even say what I need to do ... but I can't do it ... I don't seem to be able to tell myself ... Does that make sense ... I know that I am not the only one that feels this way ... I am witnessing other friends and loved ones doing the same thing ... giving a commentary on what is happening, what is wrong ... in some cases they even know what is going on in their mind ... yet they cant stop it ... like last week Caitlin (please dont kill me for using you as an example) helped me when I was going through a rough patch ... she told me to stay calm, things will be ok, ... you know the usual positive stuff ... and yet the next day she had an attack and couldn't grasp on to any of those thoughts ... Why do we know the cause but can't fix it ... grrrr it's so frusterating ... and what's frusterating me more is trying to put this all into words ... type ... especially when my mind is in a billion places at once ... Why must things be so complicated ... dont answer that ... I know the answer ... but I dont like it ... well ... I dont like it right now ... ask me on another day and I would like things to be complex ... I like feeling the wheels in my head turn ... but not today ... today my head just hurts ... it's working overtime ... and not getting any extra pay