I watched the tv show Starting Over ... I liked it and learned a few things.
*5000 contradicting thoughts for my next sentence*
This may sound silly, but I want to work on making a breakthrough about why I react the way I do. I want to figure out why I chose the dark path, why I struggle to see the positives and am constantly fearful of the world. Sure some answers might be right there infront of me, but I don't see them. While I write this my mind is soaring. Telling me that I should just live the way I am, I seem to be able to handle things, it's not that bad. Well, apparently it is, because I have put life on hold for ... myself. Then the other part of my brain kicks in telling me that it could be worse. I kick myself for being so weak, for taking the easy route. There are so many people in this world that have anxiety disorders and clinical depression, I even know a few. They are going to school. They are handling things, although they do struggle at times. I'm no different than them. *brain*"yea you are you are a weak shit of a person"
I could be in school right now. I could be getting 80's and 90's. Preparing myself for a career. I have the ability to do that, and I know it.
I chose to wait. I chose to figure some things out and wait until I am ready to go back. Call it bullshit or what have you. I don't really need to justify anything. I am doing what I want and what I feel is right. I'm not taking a vacation by any means. In fact it's torture not being in school. Knowledge means everything to me and some of you out there know that. I may not be the brightest bulb, but I value everything I know. School is important to me. If I had the funds I would stay in school for the rest of my life. Take courses where I could travel. Experience and learn. This is not easy, but I have to do what I feel is right.

PS. Dawson's Creek is sad, but it's strange. In some way, this dorky little teenage drama really applies to my life. *shrugs*