You know ... I hate being so afraid ... so nervous ... how I hold myself back

She looked ... I can't describe it ... her eyes twinkling and the corners of her mouth turned up ... I hopped into the car and ... BOOM ... I froze yet again ... what the hell is wrong with me? Most of you know how I am ... loud and hyper ... or quiet and serious ... but when I'm with her I'm just quiet and bland ... I listen to myself as I talk and wonder what the hell I'm trying to say ... half of it comes out in a jumble, I trip over my words and feel like such an idiot ... probably sound like one too
She's beautiful and smart ... oh how I love listening to her talk about anything and everything. Her voice is unique and I adore it! ... I just want to hold her when I'm there ... but we sit in seperate chairs away from eachother ... I've thought about asking her to come sit beside me ... but the words don't come out ... Instead I sit there silent ... looking for something to stare at because I know if I look at her ... if I look at her I'll lose myself in her eyes ... those green eyes that just take my breath away ... and I'm afraid of that ... It hurts to hold yourself back ... pushing away your feelings ... I don't want to scare her away ... so try not to pressure her ... *giggles* ... When I got out of the car today ... Her eyes were bright ... and the smile that was spread across her face was too cute ... I just wanted to kiss her ... but not just on the cheek ... hmmmm .... maybe I could have kissed her and said "oops, I missed" ... but that would have definately scared her off .. ha ha ha ... It would scare anyone off .... Here I go making fun of myself ... such a great defense mechanism ... ANYWAYS ... I am totally head over heals for her ... and I think I have frightened myself ... I hardly know her ... but I really like her ... I don't want to get hurt ... and we all know I'm good at putting myself in situations where that occurs ... but ... but ... *dreamy sigh* .... She's so wonderful ....
What do you all think of my little position?

Okay Okay
I'm done acting like a moronic teenager, despite that's what I am. Yes everyone I am a moron, you probably all knew that already, but now that I've admitted to it ... it's official!
I seriously lack intelligence. Sometimes I wish I was book smart ... not living life smart. I know I know ... nobody really knows that much and bla bla bla ... but seriously ... I think Im going to subject myself to numerous documentaries and books on tape. I wish ... oh how I wish my eyes weren't so fucked up ... that I could read without getting a migraine. Oh sure I could read 4 or 5 pages a night ... but come on ... it would take me like 36 days to read The Indian In The Cupboard ... 65 days to read Human Amusements ... and god knows how long to get through the numerous books Angela has listed for me ... I want to read ... I want to know everything ... Knowledge is so friggin important to me ... I mean ... I get fed up with people that are totally idiotic ... that dont have any respect for the world around them ... instead they live in their little bubbles (says the girl that likes living in a bubble ... I'm "such a conflict") ... Whatever ... I probably sound like a dork right now ... so I'll shut up ...