Things just seem to have gotten mixed up again. I don't know what to do anymore. I am reaching out for people that aren't there. All I want is for somebody to give me their shoulder, their time and to not run away from me. Everyone seems to leave me at some point in time. Nobody ever wants to stick with me, not as a friend nor as a lover and even my family has decided to give me a hard time. What is wrong with me? Apparently nothing because when I ask for an answer nobody can give me one. Today I was yelled at again all day and when I asked what I had done ... well I hadn't done anything. Apparently it is fun to take anger out on me. Everyone in my family does it and if I say anything back ... ooooo ... the wrath of them all. Seems yelling at me is the one thing they will do together. It makes me sick. I sometimes wonder why I even try to get my family together. All I want is for them to sit down for a meal ... for the sake of all of us. Especially though for grandma and for the small children. I want that more than anything, but all I get are fights and rumours and people rolling their eyes. I just don't understand. I just want one ... ONE ... meal together. I want them to have a chance to talk, to be happy and to see one another and the changes that have taken place over the years. *Im crying now* ... I was talking to somebody and they left ... and ya know ... whatever ...
I have been feeling like such a fucking fool lately. Wondering how people see me ... I like being the dreamer ... but fuck ... that doesnt mean I dont know what is in the real world. Damnit ... I know ... I have all of my senses ... I AM NOT A FOOL ... I have a brain that I believe works quite well ... I know what is going on around me ... dont use me ... dont talk behind my back ... dont stare ... dont lie ... and fucking treat me with the respect I treat you with ... Im a decent human being from what people tell me ... if you have a problem ... tell me ... GEEZ ...
My family has really stirred me up this time ... why do they pick on me? Why do I continue to try and make things right ... WHY ... I guess I am a fucking fool
posted by Tall Girl @ 10:03 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
ok, I don't know how much this is gonna help you, but I know what it is like to have a crappy family and to want everyone to like each other for the sake of themselves. it took me a while to realize it wasn't going to happen. I don't know about you, but I think you kinda make your own family, 'cause usually the blood relatives stink. and I know you don't like to put yourself out there, and I know how long it takes to be able to trust again, but it will happen, you gotta actively work on it, and maybe get some help with it. I mean, you've got some really good friends from the sounds of some of the posts, and all you really need is one or two. those people with a million friends lead really empty lives a lot of the time. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I hope it helps you.
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