Well as you all know, my uncle Bob is going to die. It's really taking a toll on me, especially since they don't want to tell him. I believe he should have a say ... and I found out ... that this what happened when my grandfather died. That he just wanted to be let go, he told them to stop and let it happen. I never knew that ... Also my great-grandmother was rushed into the hospital because of her heart. Apparently her blood pressure is high. Poor thing ... she's really sticking in there ... 97 years old and she keeps coming back. It is still unnerving to know that she too is beginning to have a lot of problems with her health. Mom has told me if anyone calls through the night about Bob that I am to wake her up ... Every night it's the same and every night I despise coming home. Tonight Jeff is here again ... I'm losing the fight with him. All I wanted was for him not to stay over so much ... but tonight I walked into the living room ... and there they were eating infront of the tv in just towels ... like fuck ... that's disgusting ... Whatever ... I'm also pissed because mom hasn't been around the house ... and I know it would mean a lot to grandma if she was around a bit more ... to talk and such ... grandma talks to me though ... we have our pop and cookies ... I can see she is warn though ... I hate seeing her like this ... I wish I could do something ... but I can't ... Everyone has been telling me I should go into the doctors again to look about some meds for the periods when I am like this ... *shrugs* ... I guess I should ... but I hate it ... I hate being this way ... I hate the progression ... but everyone knows what's going to happen ... they look at my family ... and soon I will be like them ... taking super strong drugs ... it is in me ... they already know that