People disgust me. Their arrogance and general lack of respect for others.
Today I feel violated. I feel dirty and disgusting. I can't seem to get comfortable in my own skin. I can't stand being anywhere but my room, with the door closed.
How could they think it's funny? How could they find my quirks something to screw around with? Why would my own mother try to make me upset, and watch as I start to tear up? She knows what I value. She knows I have issues with space and privacy. How could she?
My mother and Jeff have decided to have a fuck fest. This morning my aunt and I said that we were uncomfortable sitting on the furniture and such. We said we've both chosen specific spots. My mother continued to laugh and say oh, we've used that too, we've done it everywhere. She watched as I squirmed and turned white. She knows I have issues and snickered when I got up and left the room.
I don't understand what has happened to my mother. I always got a long with her. We always understood eachother and now she seems to be doing everything in her power to upset me. Today she told me I have to pay her $80 a month, when I already pay for my own food, gas and such. I told her about my plan to save for moving out and she laughed about that. She doesnt think I can do it, nor does she want me too. She doesn't want me to have to go through working and living paycheque to paycheque. Yet she pulls stunts like these. She pushes me to the breaking point then backs off to point and laugh. It's not just her either. Jeff does EVERYTHING in his power to show me that I am nothing. To laugh about how he has worked all his life and why should he have to work now? To make fun of my quirks. To prove that he has first pick. I have been bumped down in my importance in this house ... and I normally wouldnt believe that, but my mother is solidifying things