Confused Freak

I am so fucking confused right now. I don't know how to feel and I hate that.
I love her so much and it hurts to know that things will never be ... but alas I must accept, learn to deal and move forward in life. I'm so happy for her right now. Apparently she has found a really nice guy ... So yes, whilst I am happy, I am so upset it's not even funny. I want her to be happy, but with this happiness comes well ... pain in part part and I cannot help but be a little self absorbed. Like how I play devils advocate while I talk. I know it can be annoying, but these are the thoughts running through my head ... and they are unedited. I'm surprised though because I'm not going dot crazy and usually I would (seeing as Im confused). Maybe this means Im not confused. Well, Im not because I know I am happy for her and I know that I am sad. It's more I just wish that I could be content with my life ... not content, I dont know ... ha ha ha and here come the dots!!!!