Sitting here alone with my thoughts. We all know this could be deadly but it feels good to occasionally release all the crap that is going on up there. I'm sure you've all noticed how scarce my posting has been. I apologize. My life has been a little crazy to the point that things were all a big blur. I could hardly remember what I had done during the day, let alone type out all of my thoughts. Trust me, I've been doing an awful lot of thinking. SOme things I can't post about, because I need SOME sort of privacy. I will try to share as much as I can.

Today was a very hard day.
I haven't been sleeping lately because my sister is ill. I've been staying up trying to comfort her. Also, I have been working my ass off like crazy. Apparently there is this thing called a Christmas rush, and Wal-Mart gets a bulk of the Christmas shoppers.
Then ... today I went to see my family in TO. I walked in the door expecting him to look horrible, but I hadn't prepared myself for what I saw. I knew that he was ridden with cancer and that he doesnt have much time left. I just ... I didn't think ... He looks so fragile. Like a paper doll propped up in a hospital bed. He's so thin he's lost in his clothes and sheets ... his voice weak ... and his face ... his eyes are sunken and the lines of his jaw are harsh. His eyes don't sparkle, but they look in curiosity and ... I just don't know how to explain it. He doesn't look afraid ... there is pain and sadness in his eyes ... but no fear
I was going to type more but I'm going to stop there for now because I am extremely tired and depressed