Anyways ... yesterday I was thinking about how my dad looked the last time I saw him ... I can't even describe it because none of you saw what he looked like when he was still living with us. He's a lot thinnner now, has some teeth missing and just .... he doesn't look like how I remember ... His eyes are the same though ... I want to cry just thinking about it ... I know he did things that were wrong and I am mad at him for that ... but I also know that he is my father and that we will always have that link .... Why isn't there a way to combat his illness ... I can't really say for sure that he is on drugs still ... but I don't know why he would stop now .... after everything before ... Why ... I hate that it ended like that ... something so stupid taking over your life .....

My mind is going crazy right now ... I have so much going through my head ... I can't seem to straighten it all out ... family and friends mean a lot to me and I feel like I am disappointing everyone .... grams, dar, jackie, theresa, emme, caitlin, nimisha, erin, Jennifer,mom, dad, laura, sherry, jade .... UGH everyone .... People keep telling me that I worry too much and all of this ... but I dunno ... I feel like if I don't people will get mad at me for it .... but when I try to help and stuff ... I seem to make things worse .... there isn't really a way to go about things without stepping on peoples feet ... and yet I keep telling myself that that is the only way to go about things ....
I must apologize if this isnt making sense ... my brain is going and nothing in my body seems to be connecting ... my hands are doing their own thing .... while my brain runs like mad .... I wish I could just .... I dunno ....
Laura Caitlin and I are going to see The Passion of the Christ .... I think it will be interesting ... especially to see how each one of us reacts ... Caitlin and I were saying a couple days ago about how it would be interesting to go to a discussion about it ... but I would first have to read up a bit ... because I hardly know anything when it comes to specific religions ....
Blah .. Im so bored ... I hope laura gets here soon ... I dont know what that'll do ... but its better than sitting here on my own .... staring at the screen .... I swear ... BLARGH .... yea ... Im going to do something else now ... tootles